July 2006

Leaving the Nest

Starting college is an exciting time for young adults. But it can also be extremely stressful—for both the students and their parents. College freshmen have to adapt to a lot of new changes in a short period of time, and the resulting stress can manifest itself in many different ways. At the same time, parents face the challenge of dealing with letting go of their babies without allowing those feelings to affect the way they help their children cope with the changes.

No parent wants to receive the so-called “dump call”—the dreaded call from their freshman child saying he or she wants to leave school. But many times, this is just an extreme reaction to stressful times and an attempt to emotionally reconnect with the parents. The key is to be responsive but not to overreact. In many such cases, the new college student just needs to release some anxiety and get support from his parents.

Some of this anxiety may even stem from the emotions and reactions surrounding the students’ start in college. Parents can ameliorate this situation by emphasizing the child’s accomplishments rather than the loss of many of his current friends and home life when he goes off to school. Many teens may exhibit strange behavior shortly before they leave for college. They might spend inordinate amounts of time with the friends they’re leaving. Or they may even want to spend more time with their parents than they have in years.

Meanwhile, the parents are likely experiencing their own feelings of loss at their child’s impending departure. In this case, it’s important not to let those feelings affect the way they act toward their child. Overly doting can send the signal that the parents don’t believe the child can make it on his own. Parents should be supportive, but at the same time, they need to let go and allow their new college students to tackle the roller coaster of emotions and experiences that come with the start of an exciting new chapter in their lives.