What is a parent’s role during the college selection process?

Certainly, students should be the ones to determine the colleges they will apply to, and they must make the final school selection themselves. They will be more successful if they are where they want to be, in an environment that feels right to them.

Parents, however, do have an important part to play in the process. First, parents can set the general parameters for a college. They may not be comfortable having their child start out at a school 1,000 miles from home – particularly if the student has never been away from home before. They also may have financial limits that cannot be exceeded. As College Admissions Consultants explain, college students frequently receive grants or scholarships that lower the "sticker price" of a school, but students need to know up front that if the financial package is more than their parents can afford, they may not be able to attend that first-choice college.

If there are special circumstances related to a student’s learning styles or a disability, parents will want to be sure those concerns are addressed. Students often don’t want to talk about these issues. The reality is that while colleges do their best to make programs and buildings accessible, there is a difference between schools on this score. Some schools have excellent, proactive programs for students who have learning disabilities, while others focus on providing "appropriate accommodations." Similarly, some schools have upgraded access to nearly all their classrooms and student spaces; many still have buildings that are not accessible. If those inaccessible buildings are the social gathering spots or the art studios a student needs for his or her major, this may not be the right school for the student.

A parent told me recently that her son was diagnosed during junior high school as dyslexic, and the family was afraid he would never graduate from high school, let alone go to college. With a lot of effort, he made it through high school, but that wasn’t enough – he was determined he wanted to be an engineer. The college search for that family focused on finding a university with a strong support system for students with learning disabilities, and the son graduated with honors within four years. He is now working as an engineer and pursuing a masters degree.

One of the most important roles for parents during the search process, though, is to help their students filter and understand the information they receive. An example is the campus visit – college tour guides frequently point out the newest classrooms, most impressive athletic facilities, and model residence hall rooms. Parents can encourage their child to explore beyond the structured tour, check out additional classrooms, and spend an hour or so simply hanging out on campus alone or asking current students what they like most or what they wish was different about their school.

When my oldest son was finalizing his college selection, he asked me to wait at the library while he walked around campus again by himself. When he returned, he was convinced. "OK, it’s not all as perfect as they showed us, but this is the place I want to be. I can rule this university!"

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